


All the Way to Heaven

by Avrilsky



Category: Wynonna Earp (TV)
Genre: Aftermath of Mikshun, Angst, F/F, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Nicole just wants to help her heal, Responsible Wynonna, Waverly has some issues from the possession
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-10-30
Updated: 2018-02-20
Packaged: 2019-01-26 20:59:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 8,729
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12566064
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Avrilsky/pseuds/Avrilsky
Summary: Ever since her possession, ever since she started to remember more of what Mikshun made her do, Waverly had been off, slipping down a slope of depression and guilt. And Nicole, she didn’t know what to do, how to help.How did one help their girlfriend deal with and heal from a demon possession?She hoped her half baked plan of getting Waverly out of Purgatory and doing something normal, something fun and maybe a little stupid would help.Title taken from 'All the Way to Heaven' by Melissa Etheridge.





	1. I want to find me a car, with only one headlight.

**Author's Note:**

  * For [LadyJade7332](https://archiveofourown.org/users/LadyJade7332/gifts).



> This fic is for the amazing LadyJade as thank you for all her incredibly support in everything I write. It truly means a lot to have your support and I really hope you enjoy this.
> 
> This fic is set after season 2 episode 5 and kinda ignores everything that happened in the second half of the season. Waverly has guilt and depression stemming form spending seven weeks possessed by a demon. It sounds super dark and depressing but it's not I promise. There will be plenty of fluff and cute moments between Nic and Wave.
> 
> The fic is loosely based of the song 'All the Way to Heaven' By Melissa Etheridge. You don't have to listen to the sound but, if you want some kind of idea where the fic is headed, you should check it out.
> 
> Enough of me going on and on. I hope you guys enjoy.

Snow crunched under Nicole’s light brown combat boots as she walked around the 1986 mustang coupe, with it’s broken left headlight and it’s red paint faded and rusted in some spots. 

She kicked at the bald front tire and looked up at Lonnie, who was leaning against the hood and gave her a small smile.

“There’s a spare in the trunk, practically brand new.”

Nicole nodded and bent down to look in the dirty window, rubbing her gloved fist in a circle to clear away some of the dust and grime.

The interior was in better condition than the body, but not by much. The red seats were torn in some spots with the thick yellow foam coming out, the dashboard covered in a thick layer of dust, the carpet floors stained, but Nicole was short on options and running out of time.

Ever since her possession, ever since she started to remember more of what Mikshun made her do, Waverly had been off, slipping down a slope of depression and guilt. And Nicole, she didn’t know what to do, how to help.

How did one help their girlfriend deal with and heal from a demon possession?

She hoped her half baked plan of getting Waverly out of Purgatory and doing something  _ normal _ , something fun and maybe a little stupid would help.

At this point she really had nothing to lose. She feared that if she didn’t  _ do _ something, didn’t  _ try _ anything and everything she could come up with to help Waverly, then her and Wynonna would lose Waverly forever.

And Nicole wasn’t going to let that happen. Not without one hell of a fight.

“Does it run?”

“It’s built _ Ford _ tough.” Lonnie tapped the rusted hood with his knuckles, flecks of rusted red paint sticking to his pale skin. “Of course it runs.”

Nicole rolled her eyes at him. She was more of a Dodge girl herself, but her truck held memories of Mikshun, long rides out to the homestead with Waverly sitting on the other side of the bench seat nearly pressed against the door, eyes hard, jaw set and her body holding so much tension Nicole was afraid she'd break.

Anger and hatred rolling off her in waves making the air in the cab of the truck nearly suffocating at times.

Sometimes when Nicole looked at her truck now, all she could see was the hatred, the darkness in Waverly's hazel eyes that made her look harsh and cruel and so much like Willa that it caused a phantom pain in Nicole’s chest, where Willa’s bullet hit.

She had taken to driving her squad car everywhere, hoping to keep the memories of the hatred, the darkness in Waverly’s eyes at bay.

Though it didn’t really help, almost every time Nicole closed her eyes she saw Waverly in the barn that night, looking at her like she was nothing more than something Waverly had scraped off the bottom of her boot.

She had to constantly remind herself that it hadn’t be Waverly, hadn’t been  _ her  _ Waverly. And if she needed that reminder then she knew damn well that Waverly did.

“Does the heat work?” Nicole asked because there was no way she’d get  _ ‘Miss four blankets plus a bonus blanket’ _ to go on a mini roadtrip in the middle of winter in a car with no heat.

“Takes a bit for it to warm up, but yeah.” Lonnie pushed himself off the hood and moved to stand next to her. His eyes roaming every inch of her face, studying her in a way only police officers were capable of.

She felt uncomfortable about what he might find under the fake smile she’s been wearing for days on end, the dark circles under her eyes that no amount of makeup seemed to be able to cover and no amount of sleep helped.

Would he see that she was barely keeping her head above water while trying to keep Waverly from going under herself? Would he see that she was barely taking care of herself while trying to help Waverly heal?

“Why do you need a car anyways? Don't you have that sweet fully loaded Dodge? The black one?” He asked, turning away from her and brushing some snow off the roof of the car, revealing more rusted paint.

“It's a long story.”

Even if it wasn't a long story she couldn't tell him, not without him thinking she was insane, off her rocker. Not without putting him in danger.

“I got time.” He shrugged, his dark blue eyes boring into hers and Nicole could see the concern in them. “Ya know, if you ever decide to let anyone other than the Earps in, I got the time.”

Nicole gave him a small smile and squeezed his shoulder lightly. “Thanks Lonnie. I’ll keep that in mind.”

She appreciated his willingness to be there for her, to listen if she was willing to speak about what was bothering her. And God, she wished she could speak with someone outside of the Earps and their tight knit group of friends, of  _ family _ , but it wasn't possible.

Lonnie shook his head at her, giving her a look that told her he didn’t believe she’d take him up on the offer. “Well, you buying or not?”

Nicole pulled a wad of cash out of her jacket pocket. Cash that had been sitting in a coffee can on her kitchen counter for months in case of emergencies and this, saving Waverly from the things eating away at her, sure as hell felt like an emergency to Nicole.

She handed the cash over to him. “I’m buying.”

* * *

It took Nicole nearly two days to scrub every inch grime from the car, to change the brakes and tires, to change the engine oil. With the help of Dolls, the two of them managed to put in a new radio so she could plug her iphone in and play Waverly’s favorite songs. Songs that Waverly couldn’t help but sing along to, no matter her mood.

It was nearly two days of non-stop working in the cold winter air, but it will have all been worth it if her plan actually worked, if this stupid little road trip actually helped Waverly.

Nicole parked the old ford next to Waverly’s snow covered jeep and cut the engine off, staring up at the homestead.

The lights on inside reflected off the white snow surrounding it and Nicole could just barely make out the silhouette of someone standing by the living room window, peering out into the night.

For a second hoped sparked in Nicole’s chest that Waverly was no longer shutting herself in her room, was no longer laying under four blankets in the middle of her bed or sat up against her headboard, writing away in a journal and barely speaking.

That hoped withered away when she looked up to Waverly’s bedroom window and saw the light on.

Nicole sighed and ran a hand over her face before closing her eyes and leaning her head against the steering wheel, breathing deeply.

She couldn’t begin to imagine what it had been like for Waverly, fighting a demon inside of her for seven weeks, unable to tell people what was happening to her, unable to ask for help, unable to stop it from taking control when she was too exhausted to keep fighting.

She couldn’t imagine how scared Waverly must had been. How alone she must have felt surrounded by the people who loved her, who had no idea of the war she was waging inside of herself.

Nicole heard the front door of the homestead open and close, its hinges rusted and squeaky no matter the amount of WD-40 both her and Dolls applied.

They knew they should probably just replace the hinges and be done with it and they would get around to it eventually. You know, after they finished the rest of the repairs on their list.

Wynonna and Waverly had so many things to worry about, so many other things on their plates right now, so her and Dolls had agreed to take on the repairs the homestead needed themselves, hoping to rid the Earps of at least one stressful thing in their lives. Hoping to give them a home, a safe haven that wasn’t falling apart around them.

Nicole looked up at the sound of knuckles tapping on the car window, finding Wynonna on the outside of the car holding a mug of something hot and steaming.

Nicole popped the door open and planted her feet in the snow, mumbing a thanks when Wynonna handed over the mug.

She interlocked her fingers around the mug and brought it up to her nose, inhaling the rich aroma of coffee and a generous splash of whiskey.

Usually she didn’t drink coffee this late unless she was working third shift, but Wynonna had gone through the trouble of making it for her and she didn’t have the heart to turn it down.

It had taken them a long time to get to this stage in their friendship and she didn’t want to do anything that risked undoing all the progress they made.

She took a small sip of the coffee, grimacing at the amount of whiskey Wynonna had put in but glad for the warmth it provided.  

Wynonna tilted her head to the side, blue eyes filled with something close to concern as they took in Nicole’s messy hair and the dark circles under her eyes. “You look like shit, Haught.”

“Thanks,” Nicole mumbled into her coffee. “Just what every girl wants to hear.”

“Seriously, Nicole.” Wynonna put a hand on her shoulder, still looking at her with so much worry that it made Nicole’s gut twisted.

She didn’t want to be another thing Wynonna had to worry about, had to stress about. She wanted to help rid Wynonna and Waverly of some of the stressors in their lives, to help rid them of their worries, not add to the weight already resting on their shoulders.

If she could, she'd shoulder their burdens, their responsibilities without hesitation just to save them from the crushing weight of it all.

“When’s the last time you slept?”

Nicole shrugged in lue of a verbal answer, taking another sip of coffee to avoid Wynonna’s searching eyes.

She couldn’t remember the last time she got more than a few hours of sleep at a time, couldn’t remember the last time she slept without waking to the sounds of Waverly’s whimpers.

Most nights Waverly had nightmares, ones that grabbed ahold of her and threatened to never let go. Most nights Nicole spent lying awake next to her, running her fingers through Waverly’s hair and whispering sweet nothings to her until Waverly’s whimpering stopped and the crease in her forehead smoothed out.

Sleep didn’t come easily anymore and she figured it wouldn’t until Waverly was okay, truly okay.

“You’ve got to sleep, Nicole. Running yourself into the ground isn’t going to help Waverly. She’ll just blame herself and that will end up making things worse.”

Nicole sighed, downing the rest of the coffee and pushing herself up and out of the car. “I know, okay? I know.”

“Come on.” Wynonna tugged the sleeve of Nicole’s jacket  as she walked back towards the house. “Dinner is on the stove.”

She must have made a disgusted face because next thing she knew, Wynonna slapped her arm playfully.

“Don’t worry, I didn’t cook asshole. Dolls did.”

Nicole raised her hands in mock surrender with a small laugh. “I didn’t even say anything.”

“You didn’t have to, your face said it all.”

Nicole grinned, bumping her shoulder into Wynonna’s as they made their way up the porch steps. For just a moment things felt okay, felt normal and Nicole clung to that feeling like her life depended on it.

* * *

Wynonna made her sit at the kitchen table while she fixed her a bowl of whatever Dolls had made before he took off for the night. Wynonna sat the bowl down in front of her with a spoon and ordered her to eat before moving towards the fridge.

“Do you want water, beer, milk, or whiskey?” Wynonna looked over her shoulder. “I think Waves has some bubblegum sake around here somewhere. It taste like shit though.”

It felt  _ weird  _ to have Wynonna taking care of her. It wasn’t how their relationship had ever worked.

More often than not, it was Nicole dragging Wynonna’s ass home after a night of drinking at Shorty’s, helping her inside and putting her to bed so Waverly didn’t have to. More often than not their relationship was them being snarky assholes to each other, but always,  _ always _ having each other’s back when it counted.

“Water is fine, Wynonna, but I can get it myself.” Nicole started to get up from the table, but before she could stand fully, a cold water bottle was placed by her bowl of stew and hands were on her shoulders, roughly pushing her back in her seat.

“For fuck’s sake, Nicole,” Wynonna growled, sitting in the chair next to her. “Let someone else take care of you for once.”

“Sorry.” Nicole ducked her head and dipping her spoon into the bowl of stew and coming away with a spoonful of carrots and potatoes. “I’m so used to taking care of everyone else that I forget that people care about me and wanna take care of me as much as I wanna take care of them.”

“Yeah well, get used to it Haught.”

Nicole brought the spoon up to her mouth, taking a small hesitant bite. It was surprisingly good. She didn’t see Dolls as being the type to cook or even being a good cook for that matter, but then again, she didn’t really know much about him.

“Did Waverly eat?”

“Yeah. She came down while Dolls was still here.” Wynonna smiled sadly, picking at the grain of the worn table. “She still can’t look at him, can’t do more than whisper _ ‘I’m sorry’ _ to him.”

Waverly still carried around the guilt of leaving Dolls locked up in the dark, damp, freezing barn for so long. And since Waverly couldn’t forgive herself for it, she didn’t think Dolls would be able to either.

If only Waverly would realize that no one blamed her for anything Mikshun made her do, that no one held it against her then maybe, just maybe she’d be able to forgive herself.

Nicole yawned, rubbing at her face before taking another bite of stew.

“You’re sleeping in my bed tonight,” Wynonna said sternly with a firm nod of her head as if she was giving some order Nicole had no choice to follow.

“No offence, Earp,” Nicole dipped her spoon back into the bowl of stew, coming away with chunks of beef. “But I only see you as a friend and I’m not sure how Waverly would feel about us sharing a bed.”

“That’s not what I meant, asshole.” Wynonna rolled her eyes, shoving Nicole in the shoulder. “Besides, you’re not my type.”

Nicole scoffed. “Tall redheads are everyone's type, Earp.”

There was that brief flash of normal life and Nicole wanted to hang onto it, but Wynonna sighed and she knew there would be no more joking at the moment.

“I’m serious Nicole. You take my bed and I’ll stay with Waverly. I’ll watch over her.”

Nicole shook her head, shoving her bowl away from her as she pushed the chair she was sitting in away from the table. “No.”

She couldn’t leave Waverly, couldn’t not be there if Waverly had a nightmare. She  _ promised _ Waverly she’d be there every time she had a nightmare. Even if Waverly had been asleep when she made the promise through choked sobs and probably never heard her, she wasn’t going to break that or any other promise to Waverly.

“Would you sit back down and listen? Please,” Wynonna asked, sounding as tired as Nicole felt.

Nicole didn’t want to listen, didn’t want to even give thought to the idea of not being there for Waverly during the night, but Wynonna said please and Wynonna never says please.

She sat back down, angling her chair so she was fully facing Wynonna then waved her hand for Wynonna to go on.

“You haven’t been sleeping enough. You are one night away from being dead on your feet and I cannot, will not let you and Waverly get in a car tomorrow if you don’t get any sleep tonight.”

She was right. Nicole knew that she was, but that didn’t mean Nicole liked it or the idea of not laying next to Waverly all night, of not being able to hold her while she slept.

Nights were both the worst and best. Some nights the nightmares and guilt were just too much for Waverly to bear and left her tossing and turning most of the night or whimpering in her sleep.

And other nights it was like Waverly was her old self again. They’d talk for hours on end, till the sun started to peek over the horizon. They’d cuddle and touch, kiss as if everything was alright in the world, as if _ they  _ were alright.

She knew Wynonna was right but the idea of missing one of those  _ good  _ nights tore her up inside.

“When did you become the responsible one?” Nicole sighed, reaching for her stew.

“It’s kinda scary, isn’t it?” Wynonna grinned, patting Nicole on the back as she got up from the table. “She’s a fighter, Haught. She’ll get through this.”

* * *

Nicole walked out of the second floor bathroom after her shower, drying her hair with a towel as she made her way to Waverly’s bedroom.

The light was off and the door cracked, so Nicole tiptoed into the room, stepping over that one floorboard that creaked and groaned with even the slightest bit of pressure.

With help from the hallway light, Nicole could just make out Waverly curled up on the side of the bed Nicole always slept on.

Nicole kneeled beside Waverly’s bed, reaching out and tucking some of Waverly’s silky hair behind her ear, brushing her thumb along a tearstained cheek before leaning over and kissing her forehead lightly. “I love you, Waverly.”

It wasn’t the first time she said those three words to Waverly, but every time she did say them, they were whispered in the dark while Waverly was asleep.

She wanted to say those words to Waverly when she was awake, but she didn’t want Waverly to feel pressured to say them back. And maybe she was just a little afraid that Waverly wouldn’t say it back.

“We’re gonna get through this,” Nicole whispered, dragging her finger along the soft skin of Waverly’s wrist. “You’re gonna be okay again. I just… I need you to not give up, okay? Just keep fighting, baby.”

She laced her fingers with Waverly’s and lifted their hands to her lips, kissing the back of Waverly’s hand. “The guilt and memories will fade with time, you just gotta hold on. Don’t let it drag you under.”

“I didn’t realize she was such a heavy sleeper,” Wynonna said from the doorway and Nicole looked over her shoulder at her before turning back to Waverly.

“Goodnight, Waves.” Nicole kissed Waverly’s forehead once more before pushing off the floor, grabbing her discarded towel as she went.

“Night, Haught.”

Nicole nodded at her as she left the room. “Night, Earp.”

* * *

A dip in the small, twin bed roused Nicole from dreams of Waverly, of happier, lighter times. She rubbed the sleep from her eyes and sat up, taking in the form sitting at the edge of the bed.

“Waves?”

“I woke up and you weren’t there,” Waverly mumbled, shifting until she was under the blanket and lying next to Nicole.

Nicole laid back down, facing Waverly and brushing her thumb along Waverly’s cheekbone. “I know. I’m sorry.”

Waverly nuzzled into her touch as she hooked her leg over Nicole’s hip, pulling them closer together and burying her face in Nicole’s chest.

Nicole kissed her head, draping her arm over Waverly’s middle and running her fingers up and down the dip in Waverly’s spin as the woman in her arms sighed contently and tried to get even closer.

They perfected the art of cuddling on a twin mattress, of fitting together comfortably, seamlessly, like two pieces of a puzzle.

“How was your day?”

The words were muffled by her chest but Nicole still heard them and she happy to find that tonight would be one of those nights where they stayed up and talked. Where they got to just be them again, the  _ them _ they were before Mikshun.

And even though she needed to sleep, she wouldn’t pass up the chance to spend some time with  _ her _ Waverly again.

“It was okay. How was your day, love?” Nicole continued running her fingers up and down Waverly's spine, to dip of her lower back, fingers disappearing under the band of Waverly’s sleep pants.

Nicole found it was the quickest and easiest way to calm and relax Waverly, to help her fall asleep after a nightmare.

“It was alright.” Waverly shrugged, tilting her head up and pressing a kiss to the base of Nicole’s throat. “Didn’t really do much.”

“Are you still up for tomorrow?” Nicole asked, sliding her hand under Waverly’s t-shirt and continuing the same trail as before.

As much as she wanted to get Waverly out of Purgatory for a few days, she wouldn’t push her to go if she didn’t want to. The whole trip would kinda be pointless if Waverly didn’t actually want to go.

The whole point of the trip was to do something fun, normal. To get Waverly to smile and laugh again, to be happy if only for a little while and that couldn’t happen if she was grumpy because she didn’t want to be there.

“Yeah, I do. It’ll be nice to get away for a little while.” Waverly looked up, fingers reaching up and caressing Nicole’s jaw. “It’ll be nice to get away with you.”

“We should get some sleep then.” Nicole reached down for the blanket, pulling it up until it was tucked under Waverly’s chin then slipped her arm underneath it, going back to running her fingers up and down Waverly’s spine.

Waverly shifted around a bit before settling, sighing softly and when her breathing started to even out, Nicole finally closed her eyes.

“Nic?” Waverly whispered, her hand sliding down to Nicole’s ribs, thumb rubbing soft circles there.

“Yeah, Waves?” Nicole asked, shifting a yawn and not bothering to open her eyes.

“Thank you for doing this, planning this trip. Thank you for being here, for not leaving.” Waverly tilted her head up again, pressing another kiss to Nicole’s throat, this one a bit firmer than the last. “Thank you for being _ you _ .”

“You don’t have to thank me, Waves. I just want you to be okay again. I want you to heal and be happy.” She pulled Waverly closer. “And I’ve told you before, as long as you want me, I’ll be by your side.”

“Nic, I don’t know what I’d do without you,” Waverly said softly, voice slightly choked as if she was holding back tears.

“Well, you never have to find out, Waverly. I am yours as long as you want me.”

Waverly shifted again until her face with level with Nicole’s. She grasped both sides of Nicole’s face and kissed her gently.

“And I’m yours. No matter what Mikshun may have said, no matter how Mikshun may have treated you, I am yours, Nicole for as long as you’ll have me.”

Nicole couldn’t help but to grin and Waverly brushed her thumb along her dimple before drawing her in for another kiss.

Nicole wanted to tell Waverly she loved her then and there, but it didn’t feel like the right time, right place. She wasn’t waiting for the perfect time to tell Waverly, wasn’t waiting until after some grand romantic gesture, but she wanted something  _ more _ , something  _ better _ than saying it in Wynonna’s bed.

“How’s forever sound?” She asked, no more than a whisper.

She wouldn’t say  _ ‘I love you’ _ here, but she could at least she what Waverly thought about forever.

Waverly kissed her again, this one deeper, longer.

“Forever sounds good to me,” Waverly said, moving back down so her head is pressed against Nicole’s chest. “Now, get some sleep. We have an early day tomorrow.”


	2. I want to lose all your demons and go. I want to tear off your chains

Nicole woke to a cold, empty bed, to the smell of freshly brewed coffee and burning bacon, a sure sign that Wynonna was the one attempting to cook breakfast.

Nicole stretched, rubbed the sleep from her eyes, and gazed up at the spot of water damage on the ceiling above Wynonna’s bed.

She rolled over, burying her face in Wynonna's pillow and groaned into it.

It was just another thing to add to hers and Dolls’ never ending list of repairs the homestead needed. At this rate she feared they'd never actually complete all the repairs that needed to be done. It seemed as if every time they crossed one thing off the list, two more, somehow worse projects took its place.

She didn't mind the work. Actually she was thankful for the distraction, for the normal, mundane task of home repairs that helped free her mind from the stress and near constant fear from knowing demons and witches actually exist and that they were after the people she loved, after her _ family _ .

The work didn’t bug her, she just wished everything was done so the homestead could truly be a home for both Wynonna and Waverly.

“You gonna sleep all day?”

Nicole lifted her head from the bed and looked over at Wynonna, standing in the doorways to her makeshift room and holding two mugs of what Nicole hoped was coffee.

“Depends,” Nicole said, shifting until she was sitting on the edge of the bed. Carding her fingers through short red locks, making a face when her fingers snagged in a tangle or two. “Is that coffee? And is it for me?”

Wynonna moved further into the room, handing one mug over and sat next to Nicole on the bed, taking a sip from her own mug. “You look better than you did last night.”

“That’s because I actually got more than a few hours of sleep,” Nicole said, taking sip of coffee with a content sigh.

There were few things she loved more than a cup of coffee first thing in the morning.

And one of the few things she loved more than that first cup of coffee just walked into the room, her hair done up in a messy bun, gray sweatpants on and Nicole’s  _ Purgatory Sheriff’s Department _ hoodie on, a rare smile gracing her features. One that reached her eyes and made her nose crinkle as well as the corner of her eyes.

Nicole’s heart squeezed in her chest, her breath leaving her lungs as she gave a goofy grin of her own in return as Waverly stepped forward, taking Nicole’s coffee mug, their fingers brushing.

Nicole was staring, she knew that she was, but she couldn’t help it not when Waverly was smiling at her like  _ that _ .

She had been deprived of that smile for so long that she forgotten the way it made her heart race, the way it stole the very breath from her lungs and filled her with such  _ warmth _ , such love, such happiness simply because in that moment even for just a split second Waverly was happy.

_ That _ smile always reminded Nicole, not of the sun - though she’d often found herself describing Waverly as a ray of sunshine - but that of a full moon on clear night. Big and bright and impossible to tear one’s eyes away from.

“The bacon is burning,” Waverly said, taking a sip of Nicole’s coffee before handing it back to her.

“Oh! Shit!” Wynonna pushed herself off the bed, the coffee in her mug sloshing around and threatening to spill over the side. A few droplets slipped over the rim of the cup, sliding slowly down the side before Wynonna noticed and wiped them away with her palm.

Nicole watched her rush from the room with a small amused smile and a shake of her head.

Wynonna Earp was a hot mess, but she was trying her best to step up, to take care of Waverly and Nicole, to make sure they were eating like they were supposed to and getting enough sleep.

Wynonna had kept Nicole together so she could in turn help keep Waverly together and it was something Nicole was extremely thankful for.

Without the Heir both she and Waverly would have drowned.

Waverly took Wynonna's vacant spot on the bed, laying her head on Nicole’s shoulder and taking her free hand, tangling their fingers together.

“Did you sleep okay?” Waverly asked, her free hand tracing random patterns on the back of Nicole's hand. Her touch light, barely there, but still managing to send shivers down Nicole’s spine.

“I slept better than I have in awhile,” Nicole said, turning her head to press a kiss to the top of Waverly’s head. “How did you sleep?”

Nicole couldn’t reminder the last time she slept so well, slept through most of the night and well into the morning. If she had to take a guess, the last time she got a good night's sleep was before the winter solstice, before she got shot by Willa, before she found out demons were real and everything she knew and believed in was turned upside down.

She took it all in stride, the demons, the Earp curse, immortal cowboys. It was a lot to take in, to wrap her mind around, but she always suspected there was something weird going on in Purgatory but she never imagined it to be seventy-seven resurrected outlaws hell bent on killing the two women she respected and loved.

“I slept good.” Waverly took Nicole’s coffee mug again, taking another sip, but keeping ahold of the mug this time.

They sat like that for a few minutes, passing the coffee back and forth, enjoying the rare quiet moment where they were both content, both happy.

Nicole missed this. These peaceful moments of them just existing together. With no supernatural problems breathing down their necks.

Of course the moment passed by far too quickly for Nicole’s liking as Waverly slumped against her arm, the hand in hers loosening a tiny bit as if the darkness, the demons that has been haunting her for weeks on end had come back, taking with it the brief glimpse of happiness Nicole had seen in her and leaving behind the guilt and depression that's been weighing her down, wearing her down to a shell of her former self.

Nicole wrapped her arm around Waverly's back, pulling her closer and kissing her head, whispering against her hair. “You don't have to pretend to be okay, not with me.”

The last she wanted Waverly thinking was that she had to hide what she was feeling, what she was going through. She didn't want Waverly thinking she had to pretend to that she wasn't hurting, that everything was okay.

“I know,” Waverly said softly, turning so she could burying her face in Nicole's chest, words muffled and vibrating against Nicole's chest . “Since the moment me we met I knew I never had to pretend to be okay or pretend to be something I'm not. Even if I did, you'd see through it anyways.”

Nicole knew she'd been blessed with the rare ability to read Waverly Earp like a book written in a language only she could understand when so many others close to Waverly couldn't see through her smile and wave routine.

It was that ability to read Waverly that tipped Nicole off to there being something  _ different _ , something slightly  _ off _ with Waverly shortly after the winter solstice.

When she first met Waverly she chopped up her ability to read her as nothing more than being good at her job but, as time went on and the more she got to know Waverly and the more she saw Waverly interact with the people of Purgatory and her fellow officers, Nicole realized that it wasn’t just being good at her job that made reading Waverly so easy. It was something more.

Sometimes her ability to read Waverly made her feel like she was destined to meet Waverly. Destined to know her, to  _ see _ her, to love her.

Maybe it was just wishful thinking on her part, being destined for Waverly, but one thing Nicole knew for sure, she had never,  _ never _ loved anyone the way she loved Waverly.

“Breakfast is ready!” Wynonna hollered from the kitchen, the smell of burnt bacon still lingering in the air causing Nicole to wrinkle her nose in disgust.

She wasn't looking forward to eating whatever burnt mess Wynonna was trying to pass off breakfast, but she would and she'd pretend to like it because Wynonna had went to the trouble of getting up early to make it for them.

Waverly lingered against Nicole's chest for a few moments before she inhaled deeply and shifted away. The tension to her body returning as Nicole watched her plaster a fake smile on her face.

When Waverly stood from the bed, Nicole reached out, long pale fingers wrapping around Waverly's wrist and stopping her from walking away.

“Hey,” Nicole whispered, standing up as well and dropping Waverly's wrist to cup her cheek, thumb brushing along Waverly's bottom lip. “You don’t have to fake a smile or pretend to be happy, okay?”

The smile on Waverly’s face slowly fell and her shoulders slumped once more as she looked down at their feet. “It’s easier.”

“For who?” Nicole asked, grasping Waverly’s chin with her thumb and forefinger, tilting her head up until their eyes met.

Waverly shrugged, so unsure and unlike the Waverly she knew and loved, and for the hundredth time in the past few weeks, Nicole’s heart broke for the woman standing before her.

Nicole took the mug Waverly was holding with a death grip, knuckles turning white and sat it on the bedside table. Then she wrapped her arms around Waverly’s back, pulling her to her chest and resting her chin on Waverly’s head.

“Don’t pretend for mine or Wynonna's sake. Not when pretending takes so much out of you.”

“I just wanna be okay again,” Waverly said, words muffed against Nicole’s chest as hot tears soak into her thin t-shirt.

Nicole held Waverly tighter as if holding her like that would somehow keep Waverly together, keep her from falling apart. She was sure she squeezing a bit too hard but Waverly didn’t complain, only fisted the back of Nicole’s shirt and tried to get closer.

“Oh, baby.” Nicole ran her hands up and down Waverly’s back, hoping to soothe her, comfort her. “You are gonna be okay again. You are the strongest person I know and I know you won’t let Mikshun win, not after you fought him for so long.”

“Sometimes I can still hear him,” Waverly said, her voice slightly muffled by Nicole's chest. “Whispering that I am nothing, that I'm weak and it's hard not to believe him.”

Anger burned through Nicole's veins like fire, nearly causing a growl to escape through clenched teeth.

How dare someone, _ something _ tell Waverly that she was nothing. Especially when nothing could be further from the truth.

Waverly was  _ everything _ , absolutely  _ everything _ .

Nicole pulled away from Waverly's embrace abruptly, startling Waverly and causing her eyes to widen with panic, fear. Of what Nicole couldn't be sure.

She cradled Waverly’s face in her palms, calloused thumbs running along smooth, soft cheekbones.

“Now you listen to me, Waverly.” The words came out hard, almost harsh and Nicole took a deep breath in through her nose and exhaled through her mouth, softening as she gazed down at Waverly. “You are  _ not _ nothing. You are _ extraordinary  _ and anyone or anything that say otherwise does not truly know you.”

She wiped away the last of Waverly’s lingering tears with the pads of her thumbs and kissed her forehead.

Waverly’s bottom lip quivered and for a second, Nicole thought she might start crying again, but Waverly just tucked herself under Nicole’s chin. Her face pressing into Nicole’s neck.

Creaking floorboards drew Nicole’s eyes from the ceiling to Wynonna standing in the doorway, worried eyes on her sister’s back before trailing up to meet Nicole’s.

“She's okay,” Nicole mouthed and Wynonna nodded though they both knew okay maybe wasn't the right word to use.

Wynonna schooled her features, concealing her worry and the spark of pain Nicole had seen flash in her eyes.

It tore at Nicole's heart, the way the Earp sisters felt the need to hide their pain, felt the need to suffer in silence and not allow the people that care about them, loved them to help.

Nicole’s greatest wish was that the Earp sisters found the happiness, the peace they deserved.

Though she guessed true peace and happiness would not come until the curse was finally broken and they were free of it's burden, of the weight of the world resting on their shoulders.

Even after the curse was broken, would Wynonna be free of the weight of taking seventy-seven lives? Revenant or not that kind of thing weighs on a person's heart, their soul.

Would Waverly be free Mikshun? Would she be free of his lingering voice? Would she be free of the pain and guilt he caused?

“Dude, I didn’t spend all morning on breakfast just for you two to let it get cold.”

Wynonna’s voice doesn’t hold its usually snarkiness, but when Waverly untangled herself from Nicole and turned towards her sister, her soft smile was enough to get Waverly to smile a real, actually smile that made Nicole’s heart skip a beat even though she only caught a glimpse of it.

Wynonna slung her arm around Waverly’s shoulders and dragged her off towards the kitchen. “Come on, Haught. You can do dishes before you leave.”

Nicole rolled her eyes, but followed behind the sisters nonetheless. She'd happily clean up the mess Wynonna no doubt made while cooking if it meant Wynonna and Waverly got to spend some time together before she and Waverly left.

* * *

Nicole slammed the trunk of her car shut, brushing the flakes of rust off on her jeans as Wynonna approached her.

“Got everything?” Wynonna asked, leaning against the car and placing the small flask and thermos she was holding on the trunk of the car.

“Think so. Waverly is doing a final sweep just to make sure.”

Nicole was pretty sure she already packed everything they would need up. She’d been planning this trip for a while and packed and repacked their bags twice in the last two days just to make sure she didn't forget something.

But Waverly ever the planner and needing to feel in control of things after spending for long in the backseat of her own body  wanted to check for herself. Needed to see for herself that things were in order, that they had everything they could possibly need.

Nicole didn’t blame her for it. If she had been possessed for seven weeks she would want to regain some kind of control over her life too. No matter how little that control may be.

Wynonna nodded, the small smile on her face falling as she grew serious and turned to meet Nicole's eyes. Blue boring into brown in a way that made Nicole shift uncomfortably under the weight of the Heir’s stare.

“I know this trip is for Waverly and I know you're number one priority is going to be her, but dammit Haught, you better take care of yourself too.” Wynonna poked her in the middle of her chest with her boney pointer finger. “You better make sure you eat and get some sleep and have a good time too.”

“Alright, Wynonna. I will,” Nicole said rubbing at the spot Wynonna poked.

“I swear to god Haught, if you come back looking worse than you did last night, I'm gonna kick your ass.” Wynonna poked her chest again, this time harder than the first as if to really drive her point home.

“Geeze, okay. Just stop doing that.” Nicole shoved Wynonna’s hand away and took a step back.

Wynonna’s features softened and she pulled Nicole into a hug before Nicole had a chance to  react. “I need you to be okay too, Nicole. I can’t do this without either of you.”

She hugged Wynonna back, though admittedly it felt a bit awkward. She hadn’t gotten used to this level of affection they’ve shared over the past few days.

“Alright, enough of that.” Wynonna pushed her away and took a step back. “Just take care of yourself.”

“I will,” Nicole promised as Waverly walked down the steps of the homestead’s porch carrying a small travel case in one hand and what looked like Nicole’s academy ball cap in the other, which apparently Nicole did forget to pack.

“You forgot our toothbrushes.” Waverly held up the orange travel case, a satisfied smile on her face, one that didn’t quite reach her eyes.

“I bought new ones,” Nicole said softly, taking the case from Waverly and placing it in the back seat of the car nonetheless.

Waverly huffed and stepped forward, placing the ball cap backwards on Nicole’s head, her lips twitching upwards in a smile. “You did forget this.”

“I did.” Nicole leaned forward and kissed Waverly’s temple. “Thank you.”

Waverly stood up on her tippy toes, bracing her hand against Nicole's shoulder for a kiss, but Wynonna cleared her throat from behind them.

Nicole rolled her eyes and took a step back. Some things never changed. Someone or something was always interrupting them in those few moments they found themselves able to show affection.

“Nope, none of that,” Wynonna said, moving to stand in the space between them, turning to Waverly and pulling her into a hug. “Don't do anything I wouldn't do, baby girl.”

Nicole stepped away from the sisters and around to the driver side of the car, taking the flask and thermos with her. She wanted to give them time to say goodbye without her hovering just behind them. They deserved a private moment to themselves.

* * *

Nicole stopped the mustang just before the Purgatory town sign. She shifted out of gear and allowed the car to idle as she turned to look over at Waverly.

“You ready?”

She didn’t want to leave Purgatory unless Waverly was one hundred percent certain that she wanted to do this, that she wanted to get away from Purgatory and the memories it held for a few days.

She was very much aware that Waverly had spent her whole life in this town and she knew that the thought of leaving and traveling to an unfamiliar place could be scary and could cause Waverly a lot of anxiety.

“Where are we going?” Waverly asked, still staring out the passenger window at the white snow that went on as far as the eye could see.

She wanted their destination to be a surprise, but when Waverly turned to look at her with anxious, almost fearful eyes, Nicole knew she couldn't keep it a secret any longer.

As much as she wanted to see the look on Waverly's face when they pulled up to the carnival, she'd rather ease Waverly's anxiety and put her mind to rest.

“When I accepted the job here, I decided I'd take a week or two and drive out here, see what Canada had to offer.” Nicole drummed her fingers against the steering wheel before settling and taking Waverly’s hand instead, fingers tracing the lines on her palm. “About day or so drive from Purgatory, I had this moment of self doubt, this moment of crippling fear that I may be making a mistake coming out here.”

That self doubt had almost been enough to make her hang her head in defeat and turn around and drive back home.

But then she stopped off in this little town that was nothing more than a tourist trap and got drunk off dollar shots at the local bar before she called her ex, Shae to talk her out of turning back and wasting this opportunity.

Her and Shae made better friends than they did a couple and that was why when in need Nicole knew she could count on Shae to tell her what she needed to hear. They had a strong friendship even though their marriage fell apart rather quickly.

There was no hard feelings between the two of them and they often called each other to talk about the women they were seeing. Nicole had called Shae about Waverly a lot, particularly in the beginning when Champ was still in the picture and Nicole was struggling to figure out where she stood.

Though Nicole was patient by nature and would never push anyone into anything, it was Shae who told her she should wait for Waverly especially if she was as special as Nicole claimed her to be.

_ You need to tell her. _

The words echoed in the back of Nicole’s mind and as much as she wished to ignore them, she knew that the voice in her head was right. Waverly deserved the truth but, Nicole couldn’t tell her now.

Not until after the trip. Not until Waverly was better, was herself again.

Maybe it was a stupid decision to wait and tell Waverly but, she refused to kick Waverly while she was down, refused to rub salt in her wounds.

“I stopped off in some tourist trap of a town and I got drunk.” Nicole rubbed the back of her neck with her free hand, swallowing down the words  _ ‘and called my wife’ _ before continuing. “I made a pros and cons list for probably the hundredth time and I made up my mind, mistake or not I was coming to Purgatory.”

Waverly tilted her head to the side, a confused but adorable expression on her face that made Nicole want to lean across the gearshift and kiss her. “What does that have to do with where we’re going?”

“The town I was in, that’s where we’re going.” Nicole shook her head and sighed. “After all the drinking and time I spent walking the shops they have there and blowing too much money at this carnival they have, I left no longer plagued by self doubt. I felt better in the choice I made. That quaint little town helped me and I don’t know, I’m hoping it’ll help you too.”

Waverly was quiet for a few moments before she nodded and squeezed Nicole’s hand. “Okay. Let’s go.”

This time Nicole did lean over gearshift and kissed Waverly gently before she sat right in her seat and pushed the clunch in, putting the car in first gear and slowly pulling back onto the road.

They weren’t a few miles from where they stopped when Waverly turned in her seat to stare at the side of Nicole’s face.

Nicole glanced over at her and gave her a small smile before turning back to looked out the windshield and concentrate on the snowy road in front of them.

After a few minutes she could see feel Waverly’s eyes on her and when she glanced over at her again, she found Waverly’s brows drawn together in a frown and a thoughtful expression on her face.

“What?” Nicole asked after reaching over to turn down whatever song had been playing for the past minute or so.

Waverly looked down and away from Nicole, fidgeting with the seat cover, her knee bouncing in place giving away how nervous she was.

Nicole took her right hand off the gearshift and placed it on Waverly’s jean clad knee, stilling its movement. “What’s wrong, baby?”

Waverly’s hand finds hers, lacing their fingers together and squeezing her hand to the point it almost hurt. “Do you regret not turning back and going home? After everything that’s happened, do you regret coming to Purgatory?”

Regret wasn’t quite the word Nicole would use. Her first couple of weeks in Purgatory, when she was still an outsider to the whole town and had yet to make any type of friends outside of the station, she thought she had made a mistake packing up her whole life and taking a job in the middle of nowhere.

But once she settled into the town, into a routine and started to gain the trust of the people of Purgatory, she no longer felt like she made a mistake.

And when she walked into Shorty’s and saw Waverly for the first time, something clicked into place and she knew this town, this job was where she was meant to be.

Even after being left for dead in a snow filled ditch, after being shot by Willa, after being thrown around the station by some sort of demon and attacked by a possessed Waverly, she didn’t regret anything.

Through the good and the bad, she had Waverly and that was worth everything that happened, everything they’ve been through.

Nicole brought their hands up to her lips, kissing the back of Waverly’s palm and looked over at Waverly, meeting her eyes briefly before turning back to the road. “I don’t regret a single thing and given the chance, I’d do it all over again.”

Waverly let out a shaky exhale and out of the corner of her eye, Nicole watched her wipe at a stray tear rolling down her cheek.

“Mikshun would always whisper that you’d leave, you’d get fed up with me, the curse and the first week or so, I could ignore him, but after hearing it day in and day out, I started to believe him. I keep expecting you to walk away.”

It was rare for Waverly to be so open about the things Mikshun had whispered to her over and over in those seven weeks. Even rarer for her to talk about it twice in one day. She usually kept it to herself, suffered in silence while Nicole and Wynonna struggled to get her to open up.

Now that Waverly was finally talking about it, Nicole wasn’t exactly sure what to say. Should she comfort her? Should she stay quiet and see if Waverly said more?

She knew she wanted to reassure Waverly that she wasn’t going anywhere, that she meant it when she said she’d be by Waverly’s side for as long as she wanted her. That hadn’t changed and it never would.

Nicole was Waverly’s for as long as Waverly wanted her. And God forbid a time come when Waverly didn’t want her anymore, a part of her would always belong to Waverly, would always be there for Waverly.

“Hey,” Nicole said softly bringing Waverly’s attention back to her. She kept her eyes on the road ahead of them, even though she desperately wanted to look Waverly in the eyes when she spoke. “I’m not going anywhere, okay? No matter what the life or the Earp curse throws at us, I will be by your side as long as you’ll have me.”

Waverly shifted in her seat, leaning over until her head was resting against NIcole’s shoulder. “I’ll always want you.”

A weight Nicole hadn’t realized settled over her chest lifted at Waverly’s words. There was always a part of her afraid of Waverly deciding that she wasn’t what Waverly wanted afterall.

“Good,” Nicole whispered turning her head each to kiss the top of Waverly’s head.

Nicole turned the volume on the radio back up, letting the sound of a piano fill the car as they continued their drive down the icy road.

They still had a long drive ahead of them but with each mile they put between them and Purgatory, Nicole could see the tension in Waverly’s shoulders slowly loosen and her smile brighten.

With each mile she put between them and Purgatory, they were leaving Waverly’s demons behind, breaking the chains Mikshun fastened around Waverly’s worst months ago.

Nicole just prayed it stayed that way. Prayed that this trip would actually help Waverly heal.

**Author's Note:**

> Be gentle, I'm a bit nervous about this one.


End file.
